Welcome to The Connection,
NASAP’s Online Newsletter
November 2025 Issue
Dear Adlerians,
As we proceed into Winter, NASAP is thrilled to present you with our November/December issue of The Connection.
Earlier this year, we featured a guest article by Rebecca Kase, a trauma specialist who discussed her work in an Adlerian context. We are delighted to now officially launch a regular guest series; please enjoy Dr. Michele Leno’s article about mind ruts and Dr. Jennifer Levin’s article about surviving the suicide of a loved one in this issue – again presented from Adlerian perspectives.
We look forward to offering you additional guest articles in the future from a collection of behavioral health specialists, each discussing their work through an Adlerian lens. As I have begun collecting and reviewing these various contributions, I have been struck by how Adler’s holistic and commonsense theories of personality and counseling apply so well to the later specializations in behavioral health which have emerged since his time. Adler was truly a pioneer and a visionary.
Whether you are facing this season in mild climates, or, like me, steeling yourselves from the New England cold, I wish you a pleasant closeout to 2025 and a joyful holiday season.
As always, as you read this issue, please consider how you might contribute to The Connection in the future. Feel free to submit your articles, announcements, and photos to the email address below.
Sincerely,
Ellen Alderton, Editor
NASAPNews@gmail.com
P.S. If you wish to receive future issues of The Connection, be sure to sign up for a NASAP membership. Use the button in the top right corner to access the member login/sign-up page. There are several membership levels to choose from, and you will then be eligible for other member perks like discounts on conference registrations.
Dear Fellow Adlerians,
Warm Regards,
Hallie M. Williams, Sr.
President, North American Society of Adlerian Psychology
President’s Message:
Updates from HQ, November 2025
By Susan Belangee, Ph.D., NASAP Executive Director
Truly,
Susan
The Silent Divide: How Lying Erodes Family Belonging
By Jess Minckley, MFA, LMHC, ATR-BC
Lying could be a “white lie,” lies by omission, or something more serious. There are more socially acceptable forms of lying, such as people-pleasing. This way of dealing with problems can help temporarily. Sometimes, people feel that lying is a mercy or a protection of others. And sometimes people can’t face the truth, and lying is a casualty of denial.
Adler wrote "A lie would have no sense unless the truth were felt as dangerous," in his 1929 book Problems of Neurosis. Then, fear would be at the root of all lies. This fear can be deleterious to others, eroding their sense of Gemeinschaftsgefühl or social interest.
In the intricate tapestry of family constellations, lies are like a snagged thread, quietly unraveling the fabric of belongingness. The innate human need to connect with others and contribute to the wellbeing of the group is founded upon consensus reality. What reality is context dependent, but, finding out the truth to a large-scale lie can affect someone else’s sense of safety in relationships. The truth, (and the act of someone else keeping secrets from them) could affect one’s self-concept, relationships, and/or their meaning-making machine, (i.e., “I am not sure anymore”; or “people think I can’t handle the truth”; or “life lacks certainty”; and/or “therefore, I must be emotionally closed off in order to belong”).
In families, each member needs to feel a sense of being valued and shared purpose. When we have a high degree of social interest, we understand that our personal wellbeing is tied to the wellbeing of the family as a whole. We act in ways that build up, rather than tear down, these bonds. Lying, by its very nature, is an act of separation. It creates a chasm.
When a family member lies, they are, in essence, withdrawing from the shared reality of the group. This isn’t just about dishonesty; it’s about a refusal or reluctance to engage in the vulnerable, imperfect, and sometimes difficult process of being seen and known as they are. The hidden message is: "I cannot trust you will accept me regardless," or "I won’t be safe if you know."
When an adult lies, they damage the whole group’s Gemeinschaftsgefühl. When we deceive, obscure, or shirk, we're not contributing to the shared understanding and trust that a family needs to thrive. We’re prioritizing our individual desires (i.e., I want to avoid conflict, save face, get what I want). This is not horizontal striving, the desire to be one among many; it is vertical striving, a focus on self.
A person who lies is often discouraged. They’re attempting to achieve belonging backwards, believing the "real" them—with their mistakes, their failures, their true desires or thoughts or opinions or needs–wont’ be accepted. This is a painful reality for many. And, the more we isolate ourselves, we reinforce the lack of belonging we are trying to avoid.
The ideal antidote to lies is not shame or punishment, but a renewed commitment to courage and connection. Families can build a foundation of psychological safety where honesty, even when difficult, is valued above all else. This means fostering an environment where mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth, and where the truth—no matter how messy—is a path to deeper intimacy and trust.
Ultimately, belonging in a family isn't about being perfect; it's about being known, warts and all. Lying may offer a temporary escape from discomfort, but it costs us and our loved ones the profound and irreplaceable feeling of truly belonging to something bigger than ourselves.
Source: Adler, A. (1929). Problems of neurosis: A book of case histories. Cosmopolitan Book Corporation.
Mind Ruts and How to Get Out of Them
By Dr. Michele Leno, Ph.D., LP
We all get stuck. Whether it’s replaying a conversation you wish had gone differently or doubting every decision before you even make it, mind ruts — those repetitive, stubborn loops of thought — are a familiar experience for many. But just because they’re common doesn’t mean they’re harmless. Over time, these loops can drain your mental energy, distort your perception, and quietly shape how you see yourself and others.
So, what’s behind this mental quicksand, and more importantly, how do you get out of it?
What are mind ruts?
Alfred Adler asserts that the desire for significance and belonging motivates people. From an Adlerian perspective, mind ruts are more than just bad habits. They're often unconscious strategies we use to protect ourselves or make sense of the world. When life events challenge our sense of worth or control, our minds can retreat into repetitive thought patterns as a way to regain a feeling of safety or certainty.
That inner monologue might sound like “I always mess things up” or “No one really listens to me.” These thoughts don’t just appear out of nowhere. They’re usually shaped by early experiences, social comparisons, and our perceived role in the family constellation.
Mind ruts can become particularly sticky when they align with a personal narrative we’ve unknowingly accepted. If you’ve always felt responsible for others, for example, your mind might default to guilt or self-blame when something goes wrong, even if it wasn’t your fault.
How to know you’re caught
Sometimes, mind ruts are obvious, like obsessively reviewing a mistake you made at work. But more often, they show up subtly. You might feel exhausted without a clear reason, snap at someone over something small, or lose motivation for things you normally enjoy. These could be signs that repetitive thoughts are hijacking your mental energy.
A good starting point is to notice patterns. Do you always catastrophize when faced with uncertainty? Do you assume others are upset with you, even without evidence? The goal isn’t to shame yourself — it’s to get curious. As Adler emphasized, behavior is goal oriented. These mental loops often serve a hidden function, even if they no longer help you.
Mind ruts — those repetitive, stuck thought patterns — are something many people experience but often struggle to overcome. What causes these mental loops, and how can we break free from them to improve our well-being and decision-making?
Strategies to shift your thinking
Breaking free from mind ruts doesn’t happen overnight. But with consistent practice, you can start to shift those patterns. Here are a few evidence-based techniques grounded in both Adlerian theory and modern psychology:
1. Mindfulness
Mindfulness helps create a pause between your thoughts and your reactions. You don’t have to meditate for an hour; just start by noticing your thoughts without judgment. Even saying to yourself, “I’m having the thought that…” can create a little distance and make it easier to respond with intention rather than impulse.
2. Cognitive reframing
Cognitive reframing is about changing how you interpret a situation. Let’s say you didn’t get the job you wanted. A mind rut might lead you to think, “I’ll never succeed.” Reframing might sound like, “That opportunity wasn’t the right fit, but I’m still moving forward.” It’s not about forced positivity — it’s about loosening the grip of one rigid perspective.
3. Behavior first, feelings follow
Adler believed that actions could help reorient thinking. Sometimes the best way to escape a mind rut is to do something different — even if you don’t feel like it. Call a friend, go for a walk, or start a small task. These shifts in behavior can disrupt the feedback loop and start to change your internal dialogue.
The importance of self-compassion
Mind ruts often come with shame. “Why can’t I stop thinking this way?” is a question many ask themselves. But shame only deepens the pattern. Self-compassion offers a healthier alternative. When you catch yourself spiraling, try talking to yourself like you would a close friend. This approach is not about excusing harmful thoughts; it’s about creating a supportive environment where change is possible.
As Adler noted, discouragement is often the root of psychological struggle. Cultivating encouragement — through patience, kindness, and realistic expectations — can be the most powerful first step in healing.
Building a more flexible mindset
Breaking mind ruts isn’t just about stopping negative thoughts. It’s also about developing the kind of mental flexibility that enables you to adapt, grow, and feel resilient in the face of change. That includes:
● Recognizing when your thoughts are black-and-white.
● Challenging assumptions instead of accepting them.
● Allowing space for uncertainty.
When you begin to see your thoughts as one possible version of the story — not the only truth — you open the door to new choices, healthier relationships, and more aligned decision-making.
Final thoughts
Mind ruts can feel isolating, but they’re often a shared human experience, especially in moments of transition, loss, or self-doubt. While they may be rooted in old patterns, they don’t have to define your future.
With self-awareness, consistent practice, and a little self-compassion, it’s entirely possible to shift your mental landscape. And as Adler would say, it’s not about eliminating flaws — it’s about striving for courage, community, and contribution in a way that feels meaningful to you.
The mind may get stuck, but it’s never beyond repair.
– As seen in Psychology Today, Insider, Cosmopolitan, and on WBRC Fox 6 News, Dr. Michele Leno is a native of Detroit and a licensed psychologist in Michigan. She is currently hosting the TV talk show “Mind Matters with Dr. Michele” on CW50.
Receive a Free CE Credit for Reading a Classic Article This September
Reference: Birnbaum, F. (1936). Some principles to be observed in a healthy conduct of life. International Journal of Individual Psychology, 2(3), 46-54.
Go to https://nasap.thinkific.com/, create an account if you don’t have one, search for “Birnbaum,” and click on the “Principles of Healthy Conduct” course page to begin. You can download the article, then answer the quiz and receive 1.1 CE hours.
Author Information: Ferdinand Birnbaum (1892 – 1947) was trained as a secondary school teacher. He met Adler in 1920 and became active in Viennese Individual Psychology. From 1924 to 1934 he participated in the Individual Psychology Experimental School with Oskar Spiel and Franz Scharmer. During World War II, he belonged to an illegal Individual Psychology working group, and after the war he tried to revive the Association for Individual Psychology in Vienna.
Birnbaum (1936) discusses five principles of healthy living – sovereignty, initiative, solidarity, productiveness, and meliorism – operationalizing the Individual Psychology construct of Gemeinschaftsgefühl. These principles emphasize the “… obligation to assume full responsibility for oneself” (p. 46), taking into account “… the common natural ties existing among all human beings” (p. 48), and being active, useful, and optimistic. He emphasizes that the formula for proper living has not been found as well as the aspirational nature of these principles in the “… three relationships in which every human being is unavoidably involved: society, work, and sex” (p. 46).
He also describes a three-step process for addressing the errors in one’s style of living. The first step is to identify the mistakes, which he calls “… infantile behavior which are continued even after they are divorced from the early childhood situation of their origin” (p. 46). The second step is “… to examine my childhood with regard to finding out the incentive and the opportunity it gave me for developing the character traits” (p. 47). The third step is a “… movement toward a conscious assumption of responsibility for by behavior” (p. 47) emerging out of “… repeated experiences of discovery” (p. 47). “Individual Psychology knows only one ‘sin’ – the retention of a mistaken infantile attitude, which always manifests itself in a choking of the community feeling by an exaggerated desire for power” (pp. 47-48).
Adlerian Psychology in Schools: How Educators Can Apply Its Principles
By Cynthia Chiamaka Ogueri, Editorial Intern
Alfred Adler's Individual Psychology, developed over a century ago, remains profoundly relevant in modern educational settings, offering a holistic, socially embedded, and strength-based framework for understanding students and fostering positive development. At its heart, Adlerian school practice rejects deterministic views, emphasizing instead that behavior is purposeful and shaped by the individual’s unique interpretation of the world and his or her efforts to find a place within it. Grounded in core principles such as social interest, striving for significance and belonging, goal-directed behaviour, and subjectivity of perception and the creative self, Adlerian approaches provide practical tools that move beyond mere behavior management to cultivate intrinsic motivation and responsibility. These tools, in turn, promote resilience and offer educators a profoundly relevant, humanistic, and effective framework for understanding student behavior. By applying Adlerian principles, educators can foster healthy classroom communities and promote equitable outcomes.
A key Adlerian concept for educators is recognizing that all behavior is purposeful. Students act to achieve belonging and significance within their social groups – such as family, classroom, and peers. When students feel discouraged or lack constructive skills to achieve these goals, they may adopt “mistaken goals.” They may seek undue attention, engage in power struggles, or display inadequacy. Instead of labeling students as “defiant” or “lazy,” Adlerian educators ask questions such as, “What is the underlying goal of this behavior?” or “How is the student feeling discouraged?” Identifying the goal allows for targeted, effective interventions focused on addressing the unmet need for connection or capability, rather than merely suppressing the symptom. Adlerians, in other words, seek to understand behavior through purpose, not pathology.
Adlerian Psychology further distinguishes encouragement from praise. Praise focuses on outcomes and inherent traits, fostering dependence on external validation. Encouragement, such as when a teacher says, “I can see you put a lot of effort in your work and you’re engaging,” focuses on progress, specific contributions, and intrinsic worth. Encouragement is the primary antidote to discouragement and is crucial for helping students develop social interest. Educators can foster social interest by consistently noticing and verbalizing effort, improvement, and cooperative acts. This encouragement builds self-efficacy, the belief that “I am capable,” by acknowledging the student’s progress.
Perhaps the most direct application of Adlerian psychology in school settings is through the implementation of regular classroom meetings. These structured forums, grounded in Adlerian democratic principles, are powerful tools for building community, teaching social-emotional skills, gaining insights from peers, and solving problems collaboratively. In classroom meetings, students:
● Set rules collaboratively.
● Solve problems.
● Plan activities and curriculum.
● Give and receive compliments and show appreciation.
Adlerian Psychology, moreover, demands attention to context. Understanding a student's “private logic,” their subjective interpretation of the world, necessitates understanding how their cultural background, race, socioeconomic status, gender identity, neurodiversity, or experiences of discrimination shape their perceptions, goals, and sense of belonging. True social interest requires creating an inclusive community where all students feel they belong and can contribute meaningfully.
Multiple evidence supports Adlerian approaches. Studies show reductions in disruptive behaviors, improved classroom climate, enhanced student responsibility and motivation, better social skills, and increased teacher efficacy. Substantial empirical evidence also validates core Adlerian tenets such as encouragement, democratic classrooms, collaborative problem-solving, Social Emotional Learning, and family engagement.
Adlerian Psychology provides educators with a timeless yet urgently relevant framework for creating schools where students feel a deep sense of belonging, significance, and capability. By understanding the purpose of behavior, relentlessly focusing on encouragement, building democratic communities through practices like classroom meetings, and integrating with Social Emotional Learning, teachers can improve well-being for their students and in their classrooms.
Cynthia Chiamaka Ogueri served as a health promotion officer and adjunct editor in Nigeria before launching her studies at Adler University.
You are Invited to Join the CCLP Group
Community Conversations for Living on Purpose (CCLP) is a group comprised of community members who are dedicated to the application and promotion of Adlerian principles in daily life. We want to create a space for individuals to have conversations that help people contribute to building an inclusive community that fosters encouragement, nourishes acceptance, and promotes connections where people feel a sense of belonging.
We meet monthly on the last Saturday of every month from 10:00AM to 11:30AM via Zoom. We are inviting you to be part of our conversations. You can register here (https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/3E5R3He4RRiZISXQkiMNmA) for our meetings. The next meeting takes place on Saturday, September 27, 2025, and the topic for discussion is Developing Courage and Building Encouragement.
We would love to hear your thoughts and experiences … join our email list (cclpconnections@gmail.com). To learn more about us, visit our website at http://www.communityandconnections.ca/. We look forward to connecting and conversing with you.
Regards,
Charmaine McIntosh, Psy.D.
Updates from the Resilience Counseling and Training Center
Drs. Bill and Monica Nicoll of the Resilience Counseling and Training Center (RCTC) report that the first half of 2025 has kept them quite busy! RCTC continues to seek creative strategies and new venues for advancing the knowledge and applications of Adler’s Individual Psychology. To date, RCTC’s 2025 efforts have involved the following:
Monica published her book, Know Thyself, which explores the use of early memories for understanding oneself as well as the rewriting of one’s memories to facilitate healing and growth.
Bill was a keynote speaker in Greece at a mini conference sponsored jointly by the Greek Society for Adlerian Psychology and the European Association of Applied Psychology. The conference was hosted by the College for Humanistic Sciences in Athens.
Bill is currently providing weekly staff training sessions via Zoom for professional counselors and educators in Nigeria on Adlerian approaches to fostering resilience and well-being in children via parenting, teaching, and counseling.
Close Up Radio spotlighted Monica this spring in an interview regarding Resilience, Early Memory Reorientation, and Supporting Children in High-Conflict Divorces. To listen to the interview by award-winning broadcast/radio hosts, Doug Llewelyn and Jim Masters, click here.
Bill was recently named an honorary member of the European Association of Applied Psychology “in recognition of his exceptional contributions to the advancement of psychology and counseling across Europe.”
RCTC is currently completing an educator’s guidebook for developing Social Emotional Learning (SEL) programs in schools based in Adlerian Psychology. It is designed to actively promote “social interest/ resilience/ emotional well-being” in students. The program emphasizes three key components: (1) classroom SEL lessons, (2) a parent collaborative component, and (3) strategies for building a “social interest/resilience-based” school ecosystem (culture). More information to be available in fall 2025.
Learn more at www.resiliencecounselingcenter.com
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Learn more at www.resiliencecounselingcenter.com 〰️
Try the November photo challenge.
Try the November photo challenge.
Our readers enjoyed the May photo challenge so much that we are delighted to feature this game again. Tim Hartshorne has provided us with yet another picture to tickle your memories. Please write to NASAPNews@gmail.com with your best guesses about the people in the photo below. Special bonus points to anyone who can name the venue and/or the year!
Facilitated Group Singalongs in a Retirement Home in Canada
Dr. Christopher Eriksson informed The Connection about this article which was posted by the World Health Organization.
Adler recommended that therapists and facilitators should be striving to acquire some definite artistic ability, which requires mature self-understanding, a ready wit, the ability to convince, being convinced oneself, and a willingness to cooperate. These same traits are acknowledged to play a key role in successful Person-Centered Care, increasingly seen as the ideal standard of care in retirement homes and long-term care facilities.
Guided by Adler’s recommendations and a person-centered care approach, a facilitated musical singalong program for people living with dementia in a Canadian retirement home has consistently resulted in outcomes typically associated with successful musical therapy where musical memory is seen to be present leading to changes in behaviour. The guided singalong sessions involve playing well-known, popular music songs available on YouTube with visible words on the TV screen to encourage and facilitate residents to participate and join in with singing themselves. When facilitating the sessions, the facilitator dances, sings, and moves to the rhythm of the music inviting the residents to join however they can. The sessions appear to create an entertaining “togetherness,” an atmosphere of wonder and expectation, of letting go to be one with the rhythm.
When listening to the music, most participants appear to positively respond to the music by singing and tapping their feet, swinging from side to side, and/or tapping their feet or moving their hands. Some participants may not show any movement or singing, but on occasion, they may suddenly get up to join the facilitator in dancing to the music. Some may get upset while listening to the music. Other staff are also encouraged to join in with a resident in dancing to the rhythm of the music.
From observations from this program, facilitating a music program using a person-center care approach may be one suitable option to support the wellbeing of people living with dementia residing in a long-term care facility.
If you would like more information about this work, please visit this link.
Letter to the Editor
Dear Editor:
Adler’s theory defines the need to belong as the basic human need, an innate need for survival. He wrote about the need for affection that never goes away in 1908 by defining this need as an essential part of the social feeling. Over the last one hundred and seventeen years many psychiatrists, psychologists, and authors have written about this requirement for connections with others as if it was their work based on social research with no search for the origin of this idea. We now have several books on the importance of social connections without full research or mention of Adler. The latest of these “discoveries” is a book entitled The Connection Cure that describes many doctors who are writing out prescriptions, not for medicine but for finding ways to connect with others. The author further claims that it is being prescribed for type 2 diabetes, chronic pain, dementia, ADHD, anxiety, and depression.
It continues to be the plight of Alfred Adler, who continues to have his words printed under others’ names without proper citation. This is called plagiarism. William James stated in a lecture he gave, “First, you know, a new theory is attacked as absurd; then it is admitted to be true, but obvious and insignificant; finally it is seen to be so important that its adversaries claim that they themselves discovered it.” As faithful Adlerians, I wish we could all find ways to give Adler credit for his original work that we have been able to use in helping so many others.
— Betty Lou Bettner, Ph.D., co-author of The Crucial Cs
Editor’s Comment
Betty Lou Bettner brings up an important point that troubles many Adlerians — the all too common and wholesale appropriation of Adler’s ideas without credit. In his tome on the history of psychiatry, The Discovery of the Unconscious, Henri Ellenberger writes most eloquently about this concern:
“It would not be easy to find another author from which so much has been borrowed from all sides without acknowledgement than Alfred Adler. His teaching has become, to use a French idiom, an “open quarry” (une carriére publique), that is, a place where anyone and all may come and draw anything without compunction.”
NASAP member and former editor of The Connection, Jess Minckley, designs websites for therapists.
Email: mincwork@gmail.com
Phone & Text: (323) 305-9689
Website: http://www.minc.work
Zoom Meeting Link: https://zoom.us/j/98561077662
Our Editorial Team
Ellen Lee Alderton, Editor
Cynthia Chiamaka Ogueri, Editorial Intern
Harshdeep Kaur, Editorial Intern
Fizza Mushtaq, Editorial Intern