The death of a loved one by suicide is traumatic, devastating and disorienting. Not only does it  disrupt the survivor’s assumptive world, the belief that the world is safe, predictable, and meaningful, but suicide loss results in confusion, unanswered questions, and unspeakable pain. Adlerian foundations can be used to provide a path to restore purpose and create a meaningful life after a suicide loss.

Understanding the Traumatic Grief of Suicide

The suicide of a loved one is sudden, shocking, and emotionally destabilizing. Even when there have been previous suicide attempts, survivors are left trying to make sense of their loved one’s death, cope with the pain of grief, and often manage trauma symptoms associated with the suicide. From an Adlerian lens, this kind of loss challenges one’s unique way of understanding themselves and the world, and requires reorientation to find meaning in a life permanently changed.

This shattering of their assumptive world leaves survivors feeling unsafe, fearful, and emotionally shattered. In these moments, the Adlerian concept of Gemeinschaftsgefühl becomes critical. The stigma that often surrounds suicide loss can make the grieving process extremely isolating. Helping clients connect with others who understand their experience and pain is vital to rebuilding connections. Suicide support groups, suicide specific resources, and grief organizations can help foster a sense of community, and in time, help survivors reestablish or recreate a sense of purpose or meaning in their life.

Living with Unanswered Questions

One of the most painful aspects of suicide grief is the presence of unanswered questions and high levels of uncertainty that survivors live with. These include:

●       What were they thinking in their final moments?

●       Were they scared?

●       Were they in pain?

●       Why couldn’t they hold on a little longer?

●       Is there something I could have done to prevent this?

These questions can consume survivors in the emotional distress of endless mental loops. To help break this cycle, encourage clients to externalize their questions by writing them down. Help your clients organize them into what can and cannot be known. Tap into the Adlerian principles of creative power and courage. Together work on ways the client can tolerate uncertainty and live with the unknown.

Although your clients may never find the answers to some of their questions, identifying what is known, unknown, and unknowable helps them regain some sense of control, however small, and begin creating a meaningful future for themselves. Guide them to shape compassionate interpretations and focus on purposeful, life-affirming actions.

Catastrophic Thinking and Alternative Narratives

In the unexpected loss of a loved one, particularly due to suicide, the survivor’s mind often drifts toward worst-case scenarios. Catastrophic thinking can exacerbate traumatic grief and result in guilt or self-blame. Survivors may obsess over whether their loved one suffered, was alone, or terrified in their final moments.

In therapy, guide clients to imagine alternate, more compassionate possibilities. What if their loved one felt peace? What if they weren’t aware of what was happening? What if they felt spiritually connected or surrounded by love?

This exercise expands the narrative and aligns with Adlerian thought allowing space for courageous and hopeful reinterpretation. The goal is not to “know” the truth, but to find emotional relief by acknowledging multiple possibilities, some of which may bring comfort.

Reclaiming a Sense of Control

To help clients regain a sense of control after traumatic loss, have them identify all of the things in their life that they can and cannot control. This practical step reinforces the Adlerian value of agency. Although survivors cannot go back and change the events that surrounded their loved one’s suicide, they can control how they respond to the death of their loved one. This includes small acts of self care, daily routines, and the choice to spend time with others or alone. It also encompasses large decisions such as how they manage their grief, integrate the memory of their loved one into their life, or honor their loved one’s story or legacy going forward.

When clients understand what is beyond their ability to control, they are better able to release  unrealistic expectations. This shift can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and provide a new sense of emotional freedom necessary to move toward healing.

Toward Cognitive Closure and Reengagement

As survivors move through grief, they may become weary of ambiguity and desire cognitive closure (Kruglanski and Webster 1996). In therapy, the concept of closure can be expanded to include acceptance, meaning-making, or peace after the suicide death of a loved one. Explore the concept of closure with your client to identify and create a definition that is meaningful to them.

Remember, Adler emphasized that all behavior is goal-driven, reflecting the human desire for significance and belonging. When viewed through the lens of cognitive closure, the search for answers after a suicide loss can be seen as a purposeful attempt to restore order, meaning, and connection in a world that now feels fragmented and uncertain. Work with your clients as they  strive to meet the fundamental human goals of making sense of their experience and re-establishing a place of safety and belonging.

Conclusion: Healing Within Uncertainty

While no one fully “heals” from the suicide of a loved one, it is possible to live again, and even live fully, meaningfully, and with purpose. By blending the tools of trauma-informed grief work with Adlerian principles of social interest, creative power, and striving for significance, therapists can support clients in navigating their darkest hours and finding a path forward.

The aim is not to erase the pain but to hold it with compassion and courage, together.

About the Author: Jennifer R. Levin, PhD, LMFT, FT, is a nationally recognized expert in traumatic grief and sudden loss who helps organizations and individuals respond to unexpected loss with compassion and structure. As founder of Traumatic Grief Solutions, she provides crisis response consulting, grief leadership training, and trauma-informed coaching for executives and HR leaders to reduce the long-term emotional and financial costs of sudden workplace loss. A licensed therapist, she is one of fewer than 300 mental health professionals worldwide credentialed as a Fellow in Thanatology (the study of death, dying, and bereavement). Her new book, “The Traumatic Loss Workbook: Powerful Skills for Navigating the Grief Caused by a Sudden or Unexpected Death,” and online course, “Traumatic Loss Companion Course: A Guided Path to Healing,” provide practical tools to help readers cope with grief, process trauma, and find meaning again.